Gamer Manifesto

I’m not looking to create some widespread revolution or mass crashing of a system here. So “Manifesto” is probably aggrandizing a little bit, but something is rotten in gameland. Gaming, side by side with cartoons, has been one of the enduring loves of my life. It used to be this amazing, exotic hobby full of colorful worlds and imaginative locales to embark on wonderful adventures in….

…and it still is, frankly. I’m not here to whine about how the old games were the best damn things and all the new games suck. Miss me with that. I’m not so far up my own ass on a nostalgia trip that I miss the new hotness that’s right here in front of me. But some of the magic is gone. As I finish off the latest battle pass in Call of Duty: Modern Warefare, I wearily turn my eyes to my PS4 controller, dreading turning on my system to see the prospect of what’s left of the soul sucking battle pass I left off on in Paladins. B-BUT, NEKO, MAGICAL GIRLS AND ANIME GIRL GUNS!!! I like all of that stuff, but it ain’t hittin the same. More and more, games are starting to feel like a job, a chore – like more work when they shouldn’t. And lets not even get started on the next gen preorder letdowns.

But then I look at things like Crash 4: About Time and something in me is transported back to 20 years ago when a younger me sat gleefully in front of his PSONE in the living room slurpin up wampa fruit and struggling to get my B-License. A younger me that was first mesmerized by the Smash Tvs, Outruns, and eventually, House of Deads and Gunblade NY’s of the rare arcade visits I had.

I’m no fool. I know that that old magic likely ain’t coming back. It ain’t gonna be quite the same and I’m fine with that. Part of growing up is re-contextualizing your relationships with things since they may have not changed, but YOU certainly have. Growing up means looking at how the sausage is made sometimes and having to acknowledge some less than stellar stuff.

So I guess, that’s what this list is: the musings of a tired gamer who wants to be excited again – or less tired out, at least, by the things that used to invigorate me so much.

Loot Boxes

Let’s start with the inevitable. I’m just so…done with loot boxes. The degree of “done” varies per game for me (and the same could likely be said for you as well). Remember how we flipped our collective lids over Overwatch and Battlefront II, but had fuck-all to say to our beloved TF2 years prior? I do. Speaking of Overwatch, I can tolerate those since I get those in accordance with playing the game. I think it would be better if the money system was more forgiving and best if they weren’t being sold, but I can tolerate them.

The ones that rustle my jimmies are the chests in SMITE and Paladins. SMITE, being the bigger offender here, likes to have a multitude of different themed chests that they then pad with various emotes and icons in addition to the handful of character skins they have in there as well. Buying one will roll to see what random thing you get on the list. While you can’t get duplicates, a few of the chests are going to be puffed up to item counts at least in the 30’s and 40’s – which you pay for with gems. A 19 item chest can run you 7600 gems (or roughly $67 as of 3/21/21, during their birthday bash in which you get a discount)

I’m no fool here. I know money is the name of the game and I’m willing to pay to play games. I’m just not down to play games when it’s time to pay. Don’t obscure things to try and get me to gamble away more money than I need to.

Solution: Don’t sell loot boxes. Return them to the random loot drop status they had before

Solution Pt 2: Sell more (extra) content a la carte. If you want my money for content, then put your money where your mouth is, present the content and then set a tangible price.

Battle Passes

I can understand if this reads a tad bit “nit picky” at times, but bear with me. Battle passes feel like overly monetized events to me. I’m well aware that many an event in video games are monetized to begin with, but I think what really gets my goat about battle passes is a matter of scope. For example, in Paladins, events would usually be a time sensitive roll out of a gameplay mode, free goodies and some direct purchase goods. There were bits of overlap at times (like purchasing any one of the direct purchase goods may allow you to start getting event relevant points towards some quasi free goodies), but optically the freebies, paywall stuff and ticking clock felt separate enough to not get in each other’s way – nor did they span any more than a few weeks. Battle passes, however, smash ALL of those things together and scales the timeframe. Technically, the free stuff is still free, but it’s plopped on the same linear track as paywall stuff, which itself is no longer direct purchase – all with XP grinding to match. So if I want this stuff, I have to play religiously for the next 10 weeks (or so, because we’re getting to the point where no one wants to define how long the damn pass is active, baring Call of Duty) and you want ME to slip you a tenner or two for the privilege? Pssh. Miss me with that.

Furthermore, games just launch with the damn thing before we even have a chance to see if we like them enough to spend money on them or not (looking at you, Hyper Scape, and Rocket Arena).

Not every game needs a battle pass.

Solution : Treat Battle Passes like DLC. If you pay the money, it is now content that is banked and can be completed at your leisure. I mean, you got your money, let me get my kitty cat skin, sheesh….

RAPID FIRE PETTY ROUND!!

Sony Pro Controller

Yo, Sony, stop dicking around and make a pro controller already. Microsoft made their own pro controller and it’s the best one I’ve used (and STILL use) yet. Don’t license one from a third party and then undercut it by not allowing a basic feature like TURNING THE FUCKING CONSOLE ON. No, make your own with extra paddles and buttons and sell it yourself.

This really SHOULD be up your alley. You’ve spent roughly the last three decades making proprietary stuff and special features, many of which were good like mini-disc and console linking, only to drop it when devs didn’t utilize it – but that doesn’t mean you should stop.

On the contrary, a pro controller by Sony would be a great idea.

Nintendo Media Options

Yo, Nintendo, what’s up with the paltry-to-none media options on the Switch? You aped the one form factor that’s just BEGGING for media options, then you snub us by ignoring it…..kinda.

I have to be fair, here. I rarely touch my switch, something I seek to remedy in the future, so I decided to check back in and see what media related things Nintendo has introduced in the interim. The results were interesting. Niconico, the japanese video service, hit japanese switches back in July 2017. Hulu and Youtube were released in November 2017 and 2018, respectively, with Funimation being released last December. Netflix is still a dream in our hearts at this point. Additionally, we have Izneo and InkyPen, two comic/manga subscription services released February 2019 and December 2018. We even got some development programs in the form of KORG Gadget, a music production app, in April 2018 and FUZE4, a text based software development program, in August 2019.

So, as far as media streaming is concerned, I’d say Nintendo has hardly hit a grand slam, but they have a solid showing. Furthermore, with comics and production apps available, I’m pleasantly surprised. I have no intention of using any of these in the foreseeable future, but knowing they’re available makes me much less apprehensive of taking the thing with me on any hypothetical trips.

Nintendo, you still get side eye for not having local media playback or a web browser, though…